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Yearly Archives: 2010
So there’s this cyclist right, and he’s filming himself go down the wrong lane right, and then it’s NY, so everyone’s doing crazy stuff on the roads anyway right…
Cross-walker slammed by lance cramstrong!
But this is NY, right? You do NOT walk away from a good fight, right?
Yea but you’re on the wrong lane
Yea but YOU’RE jaywalking
Yea I guess it’s ok then – it cancels out”
You know what time it is… it’s WC time, and there isn’t anything interesting going on between halves (except this pretty woman on tv and her dresses). So here’s a quick run-through some of the more interesting names in this edition of Futbol’s Funtime:
1. Bastian Schweinsteiger – you just can’t beat his name. Uber-kewl. #Ger
2. Joan CAPDEVILA – dang. #Esp
3. Arne FRIEDRICH – nostalgically German. #Ger
4. Rafael Van der Vaart – hah! #Ned
5. Klaas-Jan Huntelaar – the Hunter. #Ned
So, what’s your list?
When you look at the state of affairs in our fair country today, you might often think twice about what seems to be right and what actually is. Perhaps the most misunderstood of all would be the rationale behind how to decide what works best. If you have a problem that needs solving, you would usually think about its causes, and target them to erase the problem. It seems fairly simple. It is also a common enough notion to realize that solutions must adapt to the adapting causes of any problem, and so this would be a most competent way to deal with any challenge.
However, when any problem – be it poverty, hunger, literacy or power shortage crops up in our country, the government does not think twice before turning to its favorite chapter in political science – Socialism. Repeated failures and unending embarrassments do little to dissuade our trusted leaders from shifting gears and actually do something constructive to solve our common problems. The mantra is that if you are successful, or aiming at success, it is your unintended duty to carry five or fifty or five hundred not-so-successful people along with you. So the government will not update its ration system, its horrible public medical care or its rural infrastructure – it will ask you to pitch in and pretend that more taxes means better development. It all begs the question – who actually labeled this Political “Science”?
The best example of how socialism ends up working would be illustrated by this popular anecdote:
An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had once failed an entire class. That class had insisted that socialism still worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said, “OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama’s plan”. All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.
After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.
The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.
It couldn’t get simpler than that. It is always a moral, civil and legal obligation on a citizen to pay taxes and aid in the development of the country and all its people. But the key clause here would be ALL people; not manufactured divisions of people or sections of the population. Anyone in need deserves these benefits, and these benefits must be given unconditionally. Only then would there be a merited reason to demand the fulfillment of this duty on the part of the citizen. However, when the government continues to lethargically take the taxpayer for granted behind the veil of socialism, the ultimate benefit is lost in translation. We will continue to only empower the fat-cats on top – who hold up infrastructure development in the false guise of “protecting” farmers, who kill their party workers for not donating to their garland of thousand rupee notes – the leaders proselytized by power and a false sense of entitlement.
So demand from your leaders the right to fair return; demand your due. It is nonsensical to be expected to feed the hippopotamus that is the government, blithering in a mire of medieval and asinine ideals.
Now I’m a big fan of the fun and wild activities that we’ve made up along the way. I’m also a big fan of nookie – I guess this falls in the above category as well (you see what I did there?! You see how I linked… dammit. ok Shut Up your face!)
But when I see goofBALLS like these ruin a fun activity for the rest of us, you know it’s something when even a chap like me is willing to admit that eugenics is a good idea when it comes to ziplining rednecks (i keed with the n00b attempts at racism – call me something imaginitive won’t you?)
Why would you rig-up a zipline with a blessed TREE at the end of it???
I know you may have a fetish for large, erect phallic symbols to cover the insecurities with your own nibbler, but squashing your nuts against a tree and imagining you just grew large WOOD in 2 seconds simply lacks sense… there are surgeries these days. Just check out the Thai health-spas. I know a couple of blokes heading there for that right now! ( i keed the Thai spas… no wait really, they run a valuable service. Just ask the chappies heading there…!)
Or maybe it’s just your inbred, semi-developed brain that compels you to believe that colliding marbles-first into a tree seems like fun (now I want to try it… you make it look like So. Much. Funnn!)
Whatever it is, I just love how EVERYONE standing there and watching this happen (including the cameraman who is so conveniently ready with his handy-cam, it’s like he was divinely ordained to know this was going to happen… a guy doing something stupid and getting hurt doing it. Honey where’s the camera?)
We must salute this man, who, knowing all the risks, still took that leap beyond reason and beyond faith. It was FIRM resolve (atleast I hope, for his sake, he wasn’t firm when he collided…. no wait actually I hope he was. I still think he shouldn’t be allowed to spawn moron kids like him). He did so for our collective amusement. Heroes must be worshiped, and voted for when they run for office. Redneck for President – I dub him the Duke of the Dandy-lions (he is DEFINITELY a dandy after that knock in the gibbles…), or if he isn’t then I dub him Jewel Knievel – the Man who put his Balls to the Metal! (balls to the wall+pedal to the metal. somebody shoot my laptop.)
Think your smelly, hairy friend is a genius if he did this in under 4 minutes? Yea well he is… ok. But this bad boy did it faster, and in Minority Report style.
Boy am I glad I’m studying ARM next semester in college. Finally, something more to do with all the Lego blocks lying around.
Oh lawd someone help him… and her… and him… no wait that he deserved, the moron.
Ok this is going to be THE MOST wackiest dog-training video EVER. EVER! There, I said it twice. You can’t make up this stuff.
I’m just giving you an excerpt of the commentary to help you through seeing this:
“There he go… I wantcha to see how smart he is… Bring the ball here son…
There you see….
Dawg you gonna get …wet come on over here back to me boy… see he’s pondering the situation… meditating and all…
Ohhhh he got his daaiim eet wet now dog.. I’m waiting on you… he gonna ponder the situation…
Oh Joeeyy what you doin boy! That’s the nastiest s*** you’ve ever…
…Gawd dawg you’re maiing a mess… s*** dawg you gonna get it all over your ball… s*** glabadadwaomba-gigitty!!
girl crank that car gawd dawg you’ll be the death of me!”
This is just the best stuff EVER!