Home »

Wheeeee this is so much fuuunn oooooh bajeeeezus! Balllls!!

Now I’m a big fan of the fun and wild activities that we’ve made up along the way. I’m also a big fan of nookie – I guess this falls in the above category as well (you see what I did there?! You see how I linked… dammit. ok Shut Up your face!)

But when I see goofBALLS like these ruin a fun activity for the rest of us, you know it’s something when even a chap like me is willing to admit that eugenics is a good idea when it comes to ziplining rednecks (i keed with the n00b attempts at racism – call me something imaginitive won’t you?)

Why would you rig-up a zipline with a blessed TREE at the end of it???
I know you may have a fetish for large, erect phallic symbols to cover the insecurities with your own nibbler, but squashing your nuts against a tree and imagining you just grew large WOOD in 2 seconds simply lacks sense… there are surgeries these days. Just check out the Thai health-spas. I know a couple of blokes heading there for that right now! ( i keed the Thai spas… no wait really, they run a valuable service. Just ask the chappies heading there…!)

Or maybe it’s just your inbred, semi-developed brain that compels you to believe that colliding marbles-first into a tree seems like fun (now I want to try it… you make it look like So. Much. Funnn!)

Whatever it is, I just love how EVERYONE standing there and watching this happen (including the cameraman who is so conveniently ready with his handy-cam, it’s like he was divinely ordained to know this was going to happen… a guy doing something stupid and getting hurt doing it. Honey where’s the camera?)

We must salute this man, who, knowing all the risks, still took that leap beyond reason and beyond faith. It was FIRM resolve (atleast I hope, for his sake, he wasn’t firm when he collided…. no wait actually I hope he was. I still think he shouldn’t be allowed to spawn moron kids like him). He did so for our collective amusement. Heroes must be worshiped, and voted for when they run for office. Redneck for President – I dub him the Duke of the Dandy-lions (he is DEFINITELY a dandy after that knock in the gibbles…), or if he isn’t then I dub him Jewel Knievel – the Man who put his Balls to the Metal! (balls to the wall+pedal to the metal. somebody shoot my laptop.)